


(PHAN) a crush

by phoenixcreature



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Dan Howell/Phil Lester - Freeform, Fluff and Smut, High School, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Phanfiction, Phil Lester/Dan Howell - Freeform, Please like it, dan howell freedom, phil lester freedom, random shit happens, sorry for short chapters, will i manage smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 08:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9312653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixcreature/pseuds/phoenixcreature
Summary: Phil gets dared by his 2 best friends to talk to the boy hes been starring at for the past year. What will happen after this awkward encounter?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HEYYY! this is my first phanfic i've ever posted, i hope you enjoy. BTW English is my 2nd language so sorry if it's a bit off.  
> well if you like this and want me to continue please leave a comment it would mean the world to me xD (this work is not completed, don't know how to remove that tag)

"are you sure?" Phil said with a trembling voice, looked behind his shoulder. Where PJ and Chris stood, hiding behind the bush, encuraging him to go over to the brown haired boy, who once again sat alone, in front of the cafeteria.  
Phil walked around the corner to where he could see the brown haired boy who he couldnt get out his thoughts. he just stood there, a couple feet away, looking at the brown haired boys back. 

Phil was shaking through out his entire body . i took the last few steps, standing directly behind him, ive never actually talked to this boy, i didnt even know his name. "umm...i...umm...h-..hi"  
god dammit phil! why cant i ever talk to a cute boy. 

XXXX 

 

A soft voice was heard behind Dan's ear, he froze for a second, afraid to turn around, not knowing if the person was talking to him or somebody else, nobody ever did so why would they?. Dan turned around slightly so it wouldn’t be to awkward if they weren't talking to him, right behind was a beautiful human being, it was a tall boy with raven black hair...almost too black.. like it was dyed, he had pale skin that reflected the sunlight beautifully, but none of these where comparable to the beauty that was, this ice blue crystals that were this boys eyes. Dan tried to respond but was at a loss for words, he was practically drowning in the pale boys eyes, their eyes met Dan managed to let out a small and awkward "hello.." the pale boys beautiful eyes opened up with joy when he noticed the response. 

XXXX 

Phil was shocked when he heard a response, he was used to people coming up and talking to him and so on, but not this boy, there was something about him. Not like he thought he was better than everyone else, he just was, he was shy. The brown haired boy joined Phil's school 3 years ago, although this was the first time Phil had EVER heard his voice, it was sweet, a bit posh and.... a bit like... Winnie the pooh? No matter that Phil was already addicted to the sound. Phil managed to leave his trance "I was just...umm you kn….know how you always sit... alone and stuff so i was just wondering if... you know.. i could sit here?" Phil finally persuaded himself to say these words, knowing if he did he could talk to the cute brown haired boy more. Phil was standing in hope, hoping the boy would say yes, there was just something about him, something that has been making Phil week in the knees every time he sees him, maybe its his deep chocolate brown eyes maybe his smile, the smile he gets when looking at his phone, giving him the cutest dimple on the side of his cheek. 

 

XXXX 

GOD, Dan couldn't get enough of those eyes, he almost didn't even notice the pale boy had spoken to him again. He wanted to sit with Dan, THIS gorgeous human being wants to sit with DAN?! Out of all people, "i mean sure, of course but don't you have other friends who you'd rather sit with" Dan said, not wanting to seem eager but mediately regretting his decision, what if he choose to sit with someone else? "Nah...they're probably off banging in a bush somewhere, so they're to busy to notice if I'm gone" the pale boy chuckled, pushing his tongue between his two teeth slightly, Dan's heart skipped a beat when he saw this, his cheeks slightly flustered. The pale boy sat down next to him, Dan not being able to take his eyes of off him. Dan looked down at his papers not wanting to seem like a creep, he was trying to memorize the notes to the new Arcade fire song. Dan looked up slightly, the black haired boy was full on staring at him, they made eye contact, The pale boy quickly averted his eyes and Dan let out an awkward chuckle as his cheeks reddened. 

XXXX 

FUCK DID HE NOTICE PHIL WAS STARRING?!  
Phil couldn’t help but blush as the boy let out the most adorable laugh, a wide grin took over Phil's face, "what? Do I have something on my face?" The cute boy laughed, Phil desperately trying not to say "nah, you're just cute" it took Phil a second before he realized, he said that out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

They'd been sitting for ages just talking, Phil knew so much about the boy now. His name was Dan, he's 16 one year younger than Phil, they liked the same music and movies. He also shared Phils love for games and anime. He was pure perfection, his laugh made Phils tummy do a flip.   
Dan leaned back in his seat stretching his arms up in the air, his black jumper followed him up and exposed some skin at the bottom of Dans belly, Phils eyes followed Dans body down to were his skin had been exposed, His hip bones were so prominent it scared Phil, he was so skinny, did he not eat? Phils mind kept going on about Dans weight, he noticed his cheek bones were quite prominant too and his wrists would pop out from the sleeves n his jumper and expose wrists the size of a 10 year old girl. "Phil? You there" Dan said quietly, Phil snapped out of his trance, he'd been starring at Dans slim fingers.   
"yeah.. Yeah I'm good sorry I just, yeah" Phil blurted out, the two boys sat there looking at each other in silence, Dan was fumbling with the dead skin on his thumb, biting down on his lower lip. He looked shocked when Phil broke the silence asking which class he was in next. 

XXXX 

Why was he starring? why was starring? Dan was looking at Phil trough the corner of his eye, he was starring at his wrists, he decided to say something to break Phils gaze. Something still seemed off with him, Dan couldn't figure out what was going through Phils thoughts. "so what class do you have now?" Dan froze at the question, Phil didn't know they were in the same arts class, of course he didn't Phil sat at front with his friends fooling around whilst Dan sat in the back concentrating on his art but still looking at Phil, like a stalker. Phil would run if he saw some of the sketches Dan had made of him. There was just something about his eyes and the way he smiled that Dan was infatuated with, he'd painted pictures inspired by Phil but now he was talking to him. "miss. Blakes art class" Dan replied silently looking up at Phil, his eyes opened wide and a smile formed on his lips. He didn't know they were in the class, but then again why would he. Dan and Phil ended up walking together to miss. Blakes class, still talking Dan couldn't understand why a guy as perfect as Phil would be talking to him. "hey Phil there you are! Come sit over here!" Dan recognized the voice, it was one of Phils friends, Phil was gonna go sit up front with his friends as usual and Dan would be alone. Dan went and sat down at his seat and pulled out his sketch pad looking for a sketch he could turn into a painting, he felt a presence sit down next to him, he looked over and saw a black haired boy with shinning bright blue eyes. 

XXXX 

"I think I'll go sit with Dan today" Phil said as his face turned a light shade of pink, he looked at his 2 friends eying him, then smirking at each other. Phil went at sat down next to Dan, his heart racing. He looked over Dans shoulder, he was looking through his drawings...Phil couldn't help but open his eyes wide when he saw how good Dan was at art, Dan finally looked at Phil and their eyes met, Phil didn’t know what to do or what to say so he just let out an enthusiastic "hey" Dan seemed shocked, was he not happy Phil sat next to him? He just looked at Phil, Phil was scared for a second that Dan would turn into a dementor and suck his soul. After 10 seconds of Dan starring into Phils soul, Phil decided to say something, which turned into laughing and teasing, they started playfully pushing each other with their sides. " how did you end up with purple paint in your hair?" Phil couldn't help but laugh when he looked at Dan with a purple mohawk and rainbow splatter on his face. Phil wasn’t one to talk he was covered in blue, green and black paint "Mr. Lester and Mr. Howell Principles office NOW" miss. Blake was not happy about Dan and his little paint teasing fight, it started off so friendly, Phil accidentally put some paint on Dans hand and he wanted revenge so he took his paintbrush and put a gulp of green paint on the tip of Phils nose, this! this is what started their not so friendly anymore paint war. 

 

XXXX 

Even though they were in big trouble, Dan was somewhat proud of his creation. All the green and blue really brought out Phils already gorgeous eyes. "HOWELL! LESTER! MY OFFICE NOW!" A sharp female voice yelled out, both their bodies jerked up, Dan looked over and met Phils slightly afraid eyes, they stood up and marched into the womans office.   
"Boys, you should know not to dirty yourself with paint, and on top waste the schools art supplies. I'll let it slide this time sense neither of you ever get in trouble, just don’t do it again" the two boys walked out of the womans office holding both their breaths.   
"wanna go clean all this up?" Dan asked Phil with a slight optimism in his voice, Phil just nodded and off they went to the boys bathroom.   
The two boys stood for a second, trying to figure out how to wash their hair "lay down on the counter I'll wash your hair" Dan looked confused at Phil, he did what Phil had told him to do and stuck his head down his sink. Phil turned on the tap and started massaging Dans scalp trying to wet the paint, Phils hands were amazing on his scalp Dan was paralyzed he couldn't think of anything but Phils hands and how amazing it felt. Before Dan realized Phil was signalling him to sit up, Dan couldn't help but sulk a little, he wanted to feel Phils hands again "My turn" Phil said with a bright smile on his face, Phil laid himself up and put his head in the sink the same way Dan had before him, Dan slowly started working on Phils scalp, he forgot half way through that he was supposed to wash the paint out, he didn't care, he just loved being so close to Phil.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry chapter is so short...having a writers block :/ i'll do my best to write more soon!

Phil couldn’t sleep that night, he was laying in his green and blue bedroom starring at the celling. His heart almost hurt, like somebody was pressing on it, he'd never felt like this before or well he'd felt something close to it when he was dating his ex girlfriend. Phil couldn't get Dan out of his mind, was Phil bi? I mean he thought he was but he'd never has a crush on a boy or even kissed one. Dan didn’t seem to have a gender though, when he talked to him, he wasn't a boy in Phils mind he was an amazing and beautiful person who Phil couldn't get enough of, and his EYES holy shit! Phil never cursed but he didn't know how to express how much he loved those golden brown eyes. Whenever he thought about Dan his belly did a flip and his heart skipped a beat, maybe he started getting a crush or maybe Dan was just a cool dude Phil wanted to befriend. One thing was certain though, Phil wanted to learn more about Dan and he never wanted to leave his side. 

XXXX 

Dan couldn't sleep, he was laying on his mattress on the floor, kicking and turning. He needed to get Phil of his mind, He had only talked to him for one day but Dan had fallen for those eyes and pretty pink lips, He knew there was no way a guy like Phil could ever like a gay faggot like Dan. No body liked Dan and no one ever would, that’s how it always has been and always will be, Dan was used to that and he was content with it, so why wasn’t he with Phil? The thought of Phil never talking to him again caused tears to stream down his cheeks, was Dan... Crying? He couldn't be, Dan never cried.   
Dan could feel heat on his cheek, he slowly lifted his heavy eyelids, he saw a pillar of light shine through the little basement window. Dan turned over to reach for his phone, SHIT FUCK NO he was gonna be late! He put on his only pair of black jeans and a black jumper, he grabbed his bag and took a mint gum and started running.   
He saw a black haired boy walking slowly along the pavement, the boy was wearing a vibrant blue t-shirt...wait is that boy..."PHIL?!" Dan yelled out in hopes of the black haired boy being Phil. The boy stopped and turned around in confusion, those eyes, it was Phil! Dans heart skipped a beat as he ran to catch up with Phil. "I didn't know you lived on this street" Phil looked over at Dan with a shine over his eyes, had Phil been crying? "yeah... i've only lived here 3 weeks" Dan said quietly in hopes that Phil wouldn't ask why they moved, luckily he didn't.   
The two boy just walked alongside each other for 5 minutes in silence, both of them just looking to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

It was lunch, Phil hadn't seen Dan sense they walked together to school. It was mostly Phils fault, he'd been ignoring him all day, what if he was starting to develop a crush on Dan, I mean yes, Dan was very attractive, his voice was calming, and the time their hands accidentally bushed against each others it sent sparks up Phils spine. None of these meant he was in love though, there was no way "Phil!? Could you get your head out of your ass for once?" Phils body sprung up, He looked at pj, shooting him an apologetic look.   
Phil needed to short himself out, he was a pure mess.   
The classes we're all fumbled together and all of the sounds were blending into one and everything he'd seen was just one big blur.   
All though there was one thing he could see, it was 2 golden brown eyes, looking at him. Dan was there.. fuck fuck fuck! There was no way out, Phil was standing face to face with Dan. 

XXXX 

Where was he? Why was Phil ignoring Dan. What had Dan done? Dan decided to see if he could find Phil on the way to lunch. He saw Phil standing against his locker with his 2 friends, Phil looked out of place though, he wasn't smiling or laughing like his 2 friends, he wasn’t even talking. Phil looked over and both their eyes just met, Phil didn’t flinch he just stood there and looked into Dans eyes, it was like he couldn’t see him even though he was looking at him. Phils eyes opened wide as if he noticed he was starring at Dan. Phil looked scared and upset...was he not happy to see Dan? Of course he wasn't...who would be? "...hi..." It took him all his confidence and will power to say hi and not away crying like a small child. They stood in silence, it was as if Phil was scanning the hallway and its people for a way to escape Dan. Was Dan really that awful that after just one day he already hated him? I mean Dan had already fallen for Phil but it was now obvious that he had no chance with the obvious straight guy. Phil responded after what seemed like years of silence, you could tell from his voice, it was clear he didn’t wanna be there. Dan picked up on it quickly and mumbled under his breath "fine I'll leave you alone" medially regretting in case Phil heard him, he walked off and sat outside the cafeteria at his usual lonely table, he didn’t like sitting there so he quickly left it reminded him of Phil. He saw Phil everywhere, well, not Phil but things that reminded him of Phil, he walked into the bathroom but the blue stalls reminded him of Phils blue eyes. He walked outside and an elderly coupe was walking their dog, it reminded him of how they had bonded over their love of dogs the day before.   
Dan didn't want to be there anymore, it was like stomping on his heart wherever he walked. What had he done wrong though? Every conversation they ever had kept playing through his mind trying to see what he'd done wrong or if Phil had signalled him off at points, had an alien read Dans mind and told Phil how he felt? Had it scared Phil away... WAS PHIL AN ALIEN?! Dan was being crazy, or was he? Yes... yes he face palmed, and a few students turned around looking at Dan like he was possessed. He ran, he needed to get away. There was only one place he could go. 

XXXX 

Phil couldn't concentrate, all he was thinking about was Dan and his puppy dog eyes, he'd never seen anyone so upset and it almost looked as if he felt betrayed, it broke Phil into a million pieces, he NEVER wanted to see that look on Dans face ever again. He thought of Dans laughter and how it was the most beautiful thing Phil had ever heard. Phil skipped his next class, he decided to look for Dan, he had to talk to him, he didn't know what to say but he knew he needed to say it. His legs moved on their own, dragged him across the entire school, searching for the brown haired boy. He walked past a window looking out over the lake that was behind the school, he stopped up and sat in front, he sighed thinking of where he could search next. He looked over the lake it seemed dull and like a fog was covering it's potential beauty. He saw a tall skinny boy only dressed in black walk out of the building heading towards the lake, wait that boy was it, Dan? He wasn’t sure he couldn’t see the boys face but before he knew it he was running the trail he'd seen the boy walk, he ended up by the lake.   
He looked around trying to get a glimpse of the brown haired who'd just run out. He was no where to be seen, Phil walked around with no hope of finding his lost friend, he thought of what he could say to him the next day, "phil?...." He heard an articulated accent from behind the bushes, he looked over and his eyes met some confused and worried brown ones. 

"Why aren't you in class?"   
"I had to find you, I was worried..."   
"Oh,,," 

Phil sat down next to Dan behind the bushes leaning up against an old shed, the side of his body was touching Dan, they were sitting shoulder to ankle close, it felt as if his side was on fire, he just wanted to cuddle into Dans heat.   
"Phil... can I ask you something?" his voice was shaking, like he was about to cry, Phil felt his heart get ripped out once more at the sound of Dans unhappiness.   
"of course, you can ask me anything" Phil tried to sound confident but it wasn't that convincing, Dan didn't seem to care though, he pulled away from Phils side so it was only their thighs touching. He looked so nervous, almost as if he was about to be sick all over Phil, Dan was looking down, avoiding eye contact with Phil, every second of Dans unhappiness broke Phil more and more, he was so bright the day before and everyday before when Phil creepily looked at him, whenever they were near each other, Dan usually had this aura of happiness and it almost seemed as if he was better than everyone else that’s why he didn’t hang out with anyone he just didn't know it, but, now is was if he was a different boy in front of him, this one was lonely and broken, confused even. All Phil wanted was to see the happy Dan again. 

XXXX 

 

"What did I do wrong?" He finally said it, probably to quiet for Phil to even hear, Dan was ok with that at least he'd blurted it out now. Phils eyes widened, he defiantly heard Dan, a light gloss came over Phils eyes within a second of realizing what Dan had asked, was Phil about to cry? Dan wasn't sure, but he knew Phils eyes were shinning, they looked the most beautiful ocean when glossed over like this, Dan could stare into those eyes for the rest of his life, he wish he could too. Phil hadn't answered Dan yet, he was just sitting seeming to hold tears back as he studied Dans pale skin "Why would you think you did something wrong?" What...why did he think he did something? Well, maybe because Phil had been ignoring him all day. Dan thought of a respond that didn't sound like he was mad or hurt. "I don't know, you've just been ignoring me or well...no …. maybe not I'm just being clingy NOT we're like dating or not that id want to and I mean you're straight not that it matters or anything" Phil interrupted Dans babbling, his face felt hot, he imagined he probably looked like a stupid tomato with an emo hair cut, wait what...did Dan hear that right? "I'm sorry..i didn't hear you.." Phil shock up looking at Dan with wide eyes, almost as if he wasn’t supposed to notice Phil even said anything, now it was Phils turn to start mumbling, Dan couldn’t make it all out but he understood some of it, Phil Thought Dan was cute, He thought Dan was straight And he.... before Dan finished that thought, he felt something pressed against him, it was warm and his heart fluttered, his eyes were closed when he realized, his lips were pressed against Phils, he opened up his eyes, and saw Phil up close with his eyes close, he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the moment not thinking about anything, he couldn’t think of anything even if he wanted, all that was on his mind at that moment was Phil and Phils lips, Dan couldn’t help but feel sad when he backed away, Phil looked at him with hopeful yet regretful eyes. They looked at each other for what seemed like ages, it was like they were both thinking the same thing. 

"I'm so so sorry"   
"it's fine...i didn't mind" 

Dan was a pure mess and he could tell Phil was too. 

"Phil...i really like you"   
"… Dan, I think I like you too, but I'm unsure of my sexuality. I'm sorry, can we pretend this never happened? I really want to be your friend..." 

Dan didn't know if he felt upset that Phil was unsure or happy that Phil wanted to be his friend and maybe more in the future. 

"of course Phil, I really want to be your friend too, and by the way, I'm gay" 

XXXX 

Dan was gay? Phils heart did another flutter much like the one he felt when he leaned in and pressed their lips together, Dans lips were dry but heavenly, he regretted saying he wanted to forget about it, all he wanted to do was to press their lips together in another heated kiss but he didn't, he was just happy Dan liked him and the second their lips touched he knew he liked Dan Howell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late and short update :/ haven't had much time lately! plus this story isn't inspiring me much at this moment but i'm hoping to change that :3 and btw if anyone has an idea for where you think this should go or another phan-fiction let me know! xD

It was completely pitch black and Phil was on his back looking at his celling. The event of the day before kept playing in his head, Dan was gay? Phil might have a chance? No wait what?! Why did that come to his mind, Phil was straight, right? He wasn't interested in Dan, there's no way.   
"Phillip breakfast is ready get up!" A woman's voice was heard from down the stairs, Phils body sprung up. Morning? Now He just went to bed though? Had he really been up all night thinking of Dan? Or well... more like Dans lips, how right they felt, how warm they felt... NO STOP IT! Phil lied to Dan he had to apologize, Phil wasn’t unsure of his sexuality he was straight, he thought he was bi once but, doesn’t everyone at least once? He couldn’t he just couldn’t what wouldn’t..../he/ think? "PHIL! THAT MEANS NOW" his mums voice was heard again, this time louder. Phil walked down again, his lips felt as if on fire and only Dans lips could put the fire out, his cheeks rosy at the thought of their kiss the day before. He sat down and pulled the bowl of cereal closer, this shouldn’t even be possible, how can a person only think of one thing for about 10 hours straight? Seems unnatural. 

XXXX 

"Phil...." Dan had been mumbling all night, the concrete was cold as ice but his body felt hot as the sun, the thought of their kiss and how Phil at least wanted a friendship made his tummy do flips and heat up, he couldn’t even use his blanket, he was just laid on the cold concrete only with a pillow under his head and his blanket next to him. He looked at his phone, it was time to get up, he put on a black jumper with some kind of text in a weird font, at least it’s a better font than comic sans. He punt on some skinny jeans, not bothering to straighten his hair today. He walked up the stairs, immediately punched in the face by smoke, he looked to kitchen thinking of breakfast but just put his bag over his shoulder and walked out, he was 10min to early but still just walked he looked around, hoping Phil would be early as well, didn't seem like it though.   
He arrived at the school, not a lot of people were there even though there was 9 minutes till class started, only the smart people or ones who had to take the bus had arrived, and then there was Dan. He walked over to the back of the class and sat down, he pulled out his notebook that he mainly just used to sketch and doodle in, he was working on one with mainly black colours with a pop of light blue flowing through, in a weird way it was like looking at Phil, it was a boys face sketched out with piercing blue eyes, the blue flowed out of the eyes like he was either crying or his eyes were melting, yet smiling. Its something different but Dan liked these kinds of sketches. "wow.. that's really good!" It was a girls voice, he looked back there was a girl, extremely long dark purple hair and almost black eyes, She kinda looked like the people Dan followed on tumblr "oh...umm thanks" Dan didn't know to respond the girl looked aggressively happy, it was kind of frightening to be honest. Dan never socialized and suddenly, yesterday Phil and today....this girl, "why do look so annoyed? Is it me I can fuck off ya know?" She had an American accent, was she a transfer student? "oh.. No umm I just...i don't....it's not....you" Dan was mumbling he couldn’t formulate a proper sentence and was stumbling over every word, it felt as if he'd been caught starring at his crush, well, he kinda had it was almost Phil he'd drawn in his notebook and suddenly an all to familiar laugh was heard, he wasn’t looking towards the door but his heart already did a flip and his yummy a twist. Dan glanced over to see a boy running away from his laughing friends and then towards him, it was /Phil/ 

XXXX 

Phil managed to drag himself out the door and grabbed his stuff. On his way to school he kept looking around to see if Dan would come running again or maybe he was already at school? Was he sick today? Guess there's only one way to find out. He saw Chris and PJ standing out front, the three went in together, he saw his class room approaching. He wanted to sprint in hopes of seeing Dan in there, he just walked completely calm. The boys joked and had fun but when the doors opened and he saw Dan sitting in the back, he couldn’t hold it back anymore, he ran. He wanted to talk to Dan again, he wanted to know more about his life, his family. Phil stopped in his movements as he saw a girl with long dark purple dyed hair standing over Dan, who is she? Phil had never seen her before.   
Dan had told him he was gay, so she couldn’t be girlfriend, was she just a friend? his sister? Phil walked slowly having caught eye contact with Dans honey brown eyes. Phils legs moved on their own like he was in a trance by Dans eyes. "hi...Dan" he looked down at his, why was he so shy? They'd talked before, they'd.......anyways. Dan looked so happy and the girl next to him seemed confused as to what was happening "Noel, you?" She stuck her hand out "Phil, nice to meet you" Phil grabbed her hand and shook it, it felt as If he was at a family meeting. Noel seemed nice enough though. The three just started talking, like they were all old friends but then, "alrighty kids! Settle down, settle down" the teacher had walked in.


	6. Sorryyyy

hi guys.. im really sorry sense a lot of you seemed lo like this phanfic but i'll be stopping it here, i dont like how i went about it anymore, i migh come back sometime and change it a bit but who knows... anyways please go check some of the other stuff i've written


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